sorry i know this template sucks. but i kinda lost my old template so just make do. anyway ive MOVED! so heck care this horrible template.

what

live and let live
tired. whole day in sch today can. wonderful holiday. somemore tmr and fri also must go back to sch.. been so busy the whole wk can.. got lotsa time to study mans.. haha..

dead tired now. dunno y im so tired.. maybe its coz i just had my breakfast at like 645PM??!! dunno why didnt really feel hungry the whole day.. was kinda enjoying it but now veri tired so i gez its not such a good idea afterall. haiz. oh wells.

this morning had maths remedial. i failed my differentiation! arghs. another failed test to add to my overflowing list of failures. haiz sorry not enough space alreadi. arghs. shall fa fen du shi nxt term. haiz. do i have a choice??!?? i dont wanna end up in srjc or sth. haiz. oh wells. at least if i go srjc 9th aunt can be my teacher :( not a good thing at all actually. oh wells.

anyways. after maths remedial had coh. haiz. supposed to start at like 1pm but gwee onli came at like 130??!!?? den after that she still wanna eat den do dis do dat we onli managed to start at like 2 plus?? but today coh not really dat long lahs.. i think there have been even longer ones before.. dunno y somehow coh is always long.. oh wells.

tmr got chem practical. not looking forward at all!! look at how tsk treated us the last and only time we had chem prac with her. like pri sch like dat. ok lahs. but actually she also not that bad. better den tony definitely. sorry ar joanne. dont mind me saying this but he really cannot teach. haha. maybe all the teachers close one or both eyes coz they noe he really needs the money to yang his 11 children and joanne and his other girlfriend?? lolx. oh wells.

dont understand humans at all.


unwritten
natasha bedingfield

I am unwritten,
can't read my mind,
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning,
the pen's in my hand,
ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, ohI break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

come away

come away

heyy!! im back again..haha.. sorry if my last post sounded too preachy..haha..now i read it i think its very veri preachy..but den.. wasnt so in a right frame of mind so please forgive me..haha..

ytd went shopping with gillian..actually wanted to buy autograph bk but didnt manage to find any nice ones..haiz.. haha.. and i realized its not a good idea at all to go shopping before a bbq.. coz we were dragging our frozen food and stuff ard the whole day at orchard..definitely not the perfect way to shop..and i tell you now three packets of sausages are not light at all.. haha.. and their disgusting after awhile coz they drip water..sorry to cheryling and jenevie who had to skewer the disgusting sausages i brought :)

the bbq was fun.. even tho not many pple went..but still fun nevertheless. had quite a fun time being a busybody and watching pple thru their windows..haha...coz most of the houses had full length glass windows and most of them dont use their curtains..haha..so it was quite interesting watching pple do whatever they normally do at home.. but quite scary sometimes tho..coz its so dark and everything..but the third floor one was especially scary..coz there was like a shape of someone leaning out of the window and watching us with her elbow on the ledge..and it was so dark and everything..haha.. scaring ourselves..haha.. qiuyus brother was so cute!! hahaha.. really really cute...his eyes are so big and hes so chubby and everything..haha.. and hes so small!! hes like so so small! hahaha.. even my bro is like more than half my height alreadi..so hes not so cute anymore..haha.. how can he still be cute when hes so big??! but he is handsome tho..haha.. ok.. shall stop being so ego abt my bro..haha..

haiz..not looking forward to tmr at all..full day in sch lehs.. worse den normal sch day..haha.. and even more not looking forward to the dentist later!! i alreadi noe its not going to be a good experience..arghs..haha.. at least i get to change my colour..really really thin silver lining on a really really black cloud..haha..

gillian!! i still wanna exchange ba gua xin wen!! got any must tell me ars!!

best way to calm yourself?
learn how to let go.

but how do you learn??!?

sometimes i know someone up there has found me

sometimes i know someone up there has found me
and i now no longer walk alone this road

heyy!! the hols officially start tmr! official to me anyway coz its the first monday in months that we dont have to be in sch...and we can actually waste our time the way we want to instead of being forced to spend six hrs in sch daily wasting time. wowee. sounds so promising :

haha..jkjk.. dunno y i absolutely had to start off on such a pessimistic note..lolx..we dont actually waste time in sch..haha...i gez learning abt things thats onli applicable to examinations is the way schools equip us for life and i honestly feel they are doing enough ;)

ok..ahaha..to whoever actually got the joke..i hope its not too lame..sorry..im being lame.
ok. stop lameness right now.

wasnt too happy with my ppr for last term and i promised myself i wld try my bloody hardest for once to bring my l1r5 to at least a respectable grade that wldnt make me feel like digging a hole and hiding inside everytime i look at my ppr. so i shall try my very very best to fulfill my promise to myself [how do you break a promise to yourself??!!] and fa fen du shi starting from nxt term! now thats coming from a veri veri ill-disciplined person so i wldnt expect too much in case i get disappointed. but the whole point of promising sth is to ensure that e other party wldnt get disappointed isnt it??! so whats the point of promising sth and den go, sorry i think you'll be disappointed so can you not place too much hopes on me. ! nvm. hahaha..some contradictions of life. everybodys scared to fall but the point is if u dont give yourself that fear in that first place you wont push yourself to jump over instead of falling str down. but at the same time you dont want to be too disappointed if you dont make it over and end up falling. get it?? haha...ok..

anyway.. so the main point in my long long story is that we have to have faith in ourselves and those ard us [esp God]. sorry if you feel cheated that after bringing you ard such a gigantic bush you end up looking at my weeds of philosophy. hahaha. it was todays gospel that had me thinking abt that..haha.. sorry if i sound like some religious lunatic aka helen choo but how can you possibly not think after listening to sth??!? sorry..at least im not forcing you to listen to me while you're standing and sweating on the grass while im strolling ard in some disgusting dress on the specs stand and forcing you to stand and look at me while i preach what i obviously do not practise..haha.. so be grateful..lolx.. jkjk.

so nxt time i shall not be afraid to study like shit and see if i do well. but for some weird reason i nv seem to be able to feel disappointed in myself. i mean other pple yes, of course but i never seem to feel like ive let myself down or sth. or even feel any remorse or regret at my high l1r5. dont noe y too. its like i noe dat i shldnt do well after putting in only that amt of effort but at the same time i dont feel like i shld put in any more effort and somehow, i feel that its ok to contd like dat which obviously is not and which is y im introducing my 'reform myself' campaign. hahaha. if you can call it that. lolx.

kk. everybody enjoy yourselves this hols and dont let ur inner demons get you down!!

-from a not-so-sane ming

smilee!

do i look the same to you.

heyy!! today was interesting. os results were released today!! how can a day like dat not be interesting right. hahha.

anyway today at 12 everybody went to the drama studio. it was quite funny coz like nv had dis kinda ting before when everybody noes where to go n when and everything..and what made it feel more funny was dat only the hcl pple were going.. felt quite weird..hahah..

at the drama studio we were like so so so scared. hahaha..but they didnt give some long speech or anything [i gez dey haf better things to do since the 2004 sec 4s were getting back their results too] so we got our result slips really fast. and it was really scary. its really not a very nice feeling to noe dat ur L1 results depend on that tiny slip of paper and ure staring at that tiny slip of paper but you dont dare to turn it over coz u dont know what you will see. yeahh. quite horrible actually. lolx. anyway our whole class got a1 for chinese os!! 4d rocks! congrats everybody! hahaha. after everybody got their results back tkg asked all those who didnt get a to leave the drama studio and go back to class. is she mean or is she mean. hahaha. den we got to take a class photo! so cool. hope they develop for us. but its quite lame actually. i mean u get to take a photo coz u got a for chi? den if u do really well in all ur subjs for os den wont u be taking alot of pics? anyway 81.3% of our level had As so its not like veri nan de so mus take pic dat kinda ting. haha. weird.

after that we went back to class and slacked for a while until zhang came. i tink the other teachers had stuff to do with the results coz nobody came for lessons except zhang. anyway its not like zhang can do anything to help since she doesnt even understand english. haha. anyway she returned our clit papers. so anti climax. haha. coz i failed! and veri badly too. haiz. nvm lahs.
den after sch went amk with joanne, joyce, ht and xt. wanted to eat the giant ice kachang but the stall was closed. again! its like the second time we went there to eat and the stall was closed. haiz. anyway so we went to eat pizza hut instead. haha. had quite a fun time. tho i tink joanne hardly got to say anything since we were teasing her abt tony. lolx.

and now its raining and everything. so cold too. when was the last time i ever felt cold. hahah. nowadays the weathers so hot. i really really prefer cold weather to warm weather tho. but actually the kinda weather dats in between cold and warm but closer to cold is the nicest kinda weather. erms. actually the kinda weather btwn end of spring and beginning of autumn is the nicest! wont sweat and not to cold too. haiz. so sad spore doesnt haf dis kinda weather. but actually maybe its not a bad thing that spore doesnt haf dis kinda weather. coz when its cold u tend to eat more. and when its cold i hardly think pple will be out jogging and stuff. or playing bball or sth. or even swimming! so u eat to keep warm and u dont exercise. of course u'll put on weight. hmm. so maybe its better not to haf so cold weathers. hahaha. sorry. boring everybody with my long long philosophy on my preferred climates. haha.

jiayous for hcl test tmr!

*friends are like stars. you may not always see them but you know that they're always there.

i walk a lonely road

i walk a lonely road, the only one that i have ever known
dont know where it goes but its home and i walk alone

heyy! everybody jiayous for all the tests nxt wk!!
haiz. clit test this wk was horrible. there was like 20 marks worth of qns that i didnt noe how to answer. and thats like half the paper alreadi. i so think im gonna pass. and we're going to be getting our chi os results soon! so scary!! good luck everybody!!!! haizz. nxt wk so many tests. but actually i tink its like quite little alreadi. i mean. its only 3 tests. yeah. ONLY 3 tests. but really. i think there will be worse situations in the very very near future.

im so irritated at my electricity circuit! the bloody bulb cldnt light up. haiz. didnt noe what was wrong with it at that time but now i do. shld haf been more careful when i looked at the diagram. haiz. anyway. hope my circuit works if we ever get the chance to do sth like dat again. oh well.

gambete everybody!

love me tender love me sweet

love me tender
attended the highly interesting wedding dinner of my cousin mingying and her fiance shuwei last night. ok. it was interesting for various reasons. firstly. it was a garden dinner. at her house. i guess u can imagine how big her garden is. haha. the food was great. the deco even better. and the service too. she actually had hired waiters walking ard offering red wine or other drinks. me and shi had lots of wine but we didnt get drunk. how sad. haha. ok lahs. we didnt drink dat much. but after eating when there wasnt anything to do we just sat there and drank. it was a buffet dinner so our parents were like busy talking to pple so they didnt bother about us. but the waiters were like quite funny. dey kept refilling our wine. hahaha. anyway.

what made the dinner really really interesting is the extremely drunk best friend of mingying. shes been her best friend since secondary school or sth. she was the emcee for the night and she had the most gigantic boobs ive ever seen. she makes ann poh look small actually. anyway not only was her boobs so gigantic she was also wearing this really tight revealing dress that actually exposed her breasts all the way to just before her nipples. well. and she got so pissed that she cldnt even sit by the end of the dinner. sit. not stand. she cldnt even sit on a chair without falling off. when she first started emcee-ing we were like damn amused by her big jiggly boobs. and on top of that she kept jumping off the stage so her boobs would bounce like shit. at first she wasnt drunk. she was just intoxicated. she said it herself. okk. anyway den as the night went on she drank more and more and eventually she got very very drunk. she went on the stage and started talking nonsense. not inaudible and not understandable nonsense. just stuff about how she was happy for mingying and how they were the best of friends and everything. but she repeated it like one million times until her boyfriend went up and tried to take the mike from her. and it was just in time too coz by that time she cldnt even stand straight. her fats and her were wobbling everywhere. anyway when he finally managed to get her off the stage she went straight back to her friends to drink somemore. and this whole sequence happened like one million times last night. everybody who wasnt drunk [which was like everybody except her] was actually starting to get quite pissed with her after awhile. i suppose that partly y everybody left the place by 10 plus. the night obviously wasnt going on any further. but when we were waiting to have our photos taken by mingyings brother [my other cousin lahs] that big busted person actually fell off the chair she was sitting on. her bf and friends had to drag her up [not an easy feat considering her size] and seat her again. den she started throwing the flowers in the bowl [part of the deco] at my other cousin [mingyings other brother] and his girlfriend who were sitting opposite her. and the flowers were wet too. they ran away after that. lolx. den after that she fell off her chair again but went onto the stage where mingyings neighbours [a couple] aka the hired musicians were performing. den she like collapsed on the veri pretty jean danker look alike wife. and then she collapsed on the stage. and her whole breast spilled outta her dress. we were like er. hahaha. we were like so amused by her drunken antics. hahaha. after that her bf gave up and left her to her other friends. poor guy. he had been like looking after her the whole night. haha. we left after that tho. how sad.

on the whole it was a chao boring night. other than watch the drunkard and her antics we pretty much just drank wine. drink wine and watch her. coz the programmes were all impromptu so it mostly involved the bride singing to the groom, and the groom singing to the bride. yeah its really sweet when ure the bride or groom but unfortunately dey didnt just sing one song and it really bored most of the guests ot death. apparently it has been shuweis dream to sing in a pub or sth? so mingying said she wanted to let him realize his wish on their night. yeah. but he didnt hafta sing so many songs! haha. at least his singing is not too bad. lolx. but they were so sweet to each other!! cldnt stand it. haha. too mushy alreadi. they kept holding hands and looking at each other with that kinda adoring gazes. i nv saw pple actually do it so new experience i gez. yeah. and ive never saw a drunk before. lolx. it was really like a honey tsunami. too sweet alreadi. so the whole night was like dedications from him to her or from her to him. really interesting when ure noe e insider jokes but not so interesting when ure not exactly veri close to them. and downright boring after two hours and more. if it wasnt for the drunkard and the wine i wld haf wanted to go home. hahah. but its so rare that you get a night where no one cares how much u drink so cldnt resist it. haha. normally mum nags at me forever if i drink even a little bit. and last night everybody was so busy mingling that they cldnt care. what a rare opportunity. hahaha. but i think dat bloody drunkard like finished all the wine. coz after a while there wasnt anymore wine. haiz. i gez thats good. if not we wld haf ended up as drunk as her. lolx. but at the same time. being drunk wld haf been a nice new experience. ive never been drunk before. aws. haha. ok. shall hope for another chance. hahaha. did i say i was sane??!?!

my shadows the only one that walks beside me
my shallow hearts the only thing that beating

will you not think about yourself and only yourself for once

rantings of a not-so-sane person
everybody is like so packed this weekend. well. this frantic term is coming to an end pretty soon. hahaha. but dont worry. im not going to go on and on about how time flies by so quickly nowadays. i think i've ranted enough. hahaha.

today came back so sticky and disgusting. fridays are always really long sticky days. morning jog in e morning alreadi makes us so sticky. and its such a long day now with ccas in the afternoon. haiz. i want back my friday afternoons!! used to look forward to friday afternoons the whole week. its like the light at the end of a long dark week. and now all we can look forward to is a long sticky day on friday. haizz. cant go out anymore. now we have no days to go out. last time used to look forward to going out on friday. now we cant since theres cca and i dont think anyone will possibly want to go out on sat. besides. everybody always alreadi have so many other activities planned for sat. haiz. i want back my six day week! okk. but its not really dat bad lahs. i gez. at least we get to catch up on our sleep one night a week and wake up at like noon on sat. but i wld willingly sacrifice my sleep for my shopping! haiz. anyway.

yupyupp. today after guides slacked ard with marian and nat in the canteen. quite fun. bought e orangebowl uncles last bowl of kuay teow. actually there was onli one bowl left so me and nat shared the kuay teow. haha. not abit pathetic. but dont mind lah. anyway not veri hungry too. den marian and i went home. discussed probability all the way. not seriously, obviously. lolx.

and came home to find no dinner! hahaha. mum went for some dinner or sth. haiz. had to heat up my own food. arghs. at first didnt wanna eat coz too troublesome den dad insisted. haizz. no wonder im not going anywhere with my weightloss plans. haiz. i understand the importance of eating regularly. but den u dont eat to live, you live to eat. so we shldnt have to plan our activities ard our meals. haiz. ok. shall stop talking so much since its not like i can do anything.

watching survivor now. so fun. haha. but two people veri poor thing. they had to leave after like one night? some new twist or sth. so mean. havent even got into the game yet den you gotta leave. everybody on the show was crying. quite sad. hahaha. tink the producers of survivor are really innovative. every season has new twists and everything. haha. keeps everybody watching. lolx. tink they must be rolling in money now. hahaha. but they do deserve it. okk.

okk. jiayous for clit test nxt wk!
forgive and forget. let the world continue spinning.

smiling through your tears

smile through your tears

hcl test was so horrible! the chen yus were also funny. den the compre quite got enough time to do lahs. and the passage abit easy to understand too. den i think zhang can read my writing towards the end. think i will get a man. arghs. hahaha.

besides the hcl test today was quite fun. esp assembly *laughs hysterically** okok. shall not be so mean. anyway. after sch was raining quite heavily. den actually joanne n me had umbrella but i lazy to take out. so walked in e rain. den how about we were quite far from the bus stop when the bus came and we actually ran all the way there in the rain? wasnt abit drenched only. den go up the bus not abit freezing. siowyi and yucen were on the bus too. and how about dey didnt abit see us running and so wet. quite abit not funny. xt and i teased toanne all the way to the bus stop. quite fun. how about everything bad that happen is all the bloody bitch's fault. the weather bad, her fault. tony having lunch den cannot ask him also her fault. how about she existing on earth is her fault too.

em and am test tmr! everybody gambete!!

i cant stand signmyguestbook!!!! how about just now i typed a damn long msg for joanne den forgot to copy and cannot sign!! arghhs. so irritating.

anyway. tsk sucks!!! bloody bitch. shitty arsehole. she sucks more den zhang!! i cant believe deres actually a living being on the face of this earth dat sucks more den zhang! and dat shitty being is actually our chem teacher. wad kind of luck is that. haiz. anyway. conclusion? two words. i think everybody can guess alreadi so i shall not say it.

today the softball session was so lame can!! spent one hr playing, what, first base?? and the rules were also like totally different from the softball we've been playing. and alan ho really looks like a hippo. and he cant pronounce s properly too! lolx. ok. im mean. hahahah.

ok. gtg.

good luck for hcl test everybody.

this is the second time im blogging within 24 hrs. oh well. anyway. today was such a slacky day. we hardly had any lessons but it was fun :) and after sch we went to the dentist. there was like so so many of us. sinyao, liwen, maggie, jieling, me and joanne n xueting. all crowding ard in dat tiny room. den later baoxian, yining, tricia, yinghan and jovena all came. by den some pple had left alreadi but it was still veri ri nao in dat squeezy room. but it was quite interesting and funny. haha. esp talking abt tony when joanne was in the dentists chair. lolx. but the dental treatment was painful. e dentist is so rough can. den she has mood swings too. sometimes shes laughing n joking with us like ok and sometimes shes scolding us for crowding up her place. weird.

den after that me and joanne went to eat orange bowl. the chilli!! omg. it was so so hot. i practically ate all the ice and everything in my cup of iced tea. and it wasnt enough to put out that burning feeling eating up my tongue. hahaha.

den after that went to j8 with joyce, xueting and joanne. so fun. went with xt to buy her 'cross-back' shirt which is racer back lohs. hahaha. anyway. den went to take neoprints. den after dat dey went swensens n i had to go home. :( but it was fun. kk. look at my cny pictures k!! lolx. i love them.

takecare everybody!! love ya lots.

happy valentine's day!

happy valentines day everybody!!

my poor flowers! i bought like 30 but in the end onli ard 15 was nice enough to gif. so irritating. haiz. den i had not enough flowers! sorry pet and sorry morning glory for the not so nice vday presents!! i'll get u all nicer ones soon k!

ok.

happy valentines day!!

shut up

shut up

There you go
You're always so right
It's all a big show
It's all about you
You think you know
What everyone needs
You always take time
To criticize me
It seems like everyday
I make mistakes
I just can't get it right
It's like I'm the one
You love to hate
But not today

So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

There you go
You never ask why
It's all a big lie
Whatever you do
You think you're special
But I know, and I know
And I know, and we know
That you're not
You're always there to point
Out my mistakes
And shove them in my face
It's like I'm the one
You love to hate
But not today
So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down
Is gonna bring me down
Will never bring me down

Don't tell me who I should be
And don't try to tell me what's right for me
Don't tell me what I should do
I don't wanna waste my time
I'll watch you fade away

So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down
Shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down
Bring me down
Won't bring me down
Bring me down
Won't bring me down
Shut up, shut up, shut up

chinese new year is like the day after tmr. so scary. my house is still in a total mess even though i have tidied my table the best i cld and thrown away alot alot of stuff. but its still in an absolute mess. haiz.

and i dont even noe what im going to be wearing!

on top of that im having a reall really terrible stomachache now and i cant stand it.

just great.

its over

had clit and ss test today...actually didnt really haf much to study..coz e ss is sourcebased so it isnt as bad as structured...its actually alot better..haha...den clit was on the tang poems so like as long as can memorise e poem den can crap sth out...not as bad as e first book..hahaha...ok...shall not talk like dat in case i fail my clit mans. sorrys.

so we have no more tests until after cny. yayee. but somehow i dont feel happy or relieved at all. maybe its coz you know. everything is temporary. the good times and the bad times. so well. cny isnt going to last for veri long either. the length of time is the same, obviously, but anyway after cny we still hafta come back to our reality rights. and after os we still hafta go jc or poly or somewhere to contd studying rights. and after wherever we go if we go on to uni or if we go work or sth theres still the same [or mayb more] amt of stress right. so i dont tink we [or maybe its just me] will ever feel really truly relieved that its over right. coz its never over. haizz. ok. sound so depressing.

anyways. today had assembly. chao chao boring mans. den after that we met tony in e canteen den asked him if can go his house for chemfamily dinner. lolx. actually ask him also no use right. coz he has to ask joanne for permission too anyway. lolx. anyway he said he'll tell us tmr. but xt said joanne wanna go his house on valentines day too den rashida was dere too so ahem...haha.. anyway i think the whole staffroom knows alreadi lahs..so nothing to be shy of k joanne! sorry..i mean toanne...lolxx...

had phy remedial with mrs khong too after sch..it was really funny even tho i was falling asleep...lolx...tink we gek her alot tho..haha...whole day ask e same qn..jus that phrased in diff ways and diff pple ask onli..lolx..but shes really nice..and patient too...she just kept explaining the same thing over and over again..haha...

oh yeah...today gave my speech too...so horrible...i was like rushing thru the whole ting but i didnt realize it until e last pg of my speech? ers. anyways.

ok. everybody take care lots and have fun during cny!


*~**`**-**~**`*****~***-****^^

boulevard of broken dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And were I walk alone
Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk aloneI walk aloneI walk aloneI walk alone
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk away!

chinese new year is coming!! hahahaha...something to look forward to this few days before it arrives, flies by, and becomes part of our memory. well. i wonder what there is to look forward to after cny. haiz. anyway shall focus on the joyous celebration coming up. anyway even though going ard visiting and eating is not exactly my favourite way of spending two days i must admit its alot alot better than going to school. actually coming to school is quite fun. but some unreasonable teachers absolutely suck all the fun out of coming to sch. learning new things isnt hard. its the horrible teachers who cant teach new things that get to me. and the irritating teacher who is so absolutely fantastically biased. and shes not even biased because of race or something but shes biased based on results. is that shit crap or is it shit crap. ok its shit crap. anyway i would be able to understand it if shes biased against us coz we're not as cheena as she wld want us to be but i totally cannot understand or tolerate it when shes biased because of our results. i agree that our, or rather my results arent that good but i have to say that its like that not because we were born with a lousier brain or because God didnt give us a brain as fantastic as theirs. rather, its because we choose to live more wholly instead of being so focused on results only. you only live once, so why bother to get so uptight over a few failings. ok to me personally i dont expect to get results when i put in so little effort. i know i should put in alot more effort but at the same time i dont want to neglect anything else? we only live once. i dont want to look back and see that my life at 15 was all about rushing home to do homework. that wld be a really sad life. but at the same time i think everybody has the right to choose what they want to do with their life. so if i should choose to be a roadsweeper why should she have any comments? what right has she to bias herself against us because of that? i wouldnt mind if she tells us outright whats wrong with us or just scolds us straight to our face. unfortunately, i think being unscrupulous is her style and we just cant expect more from her. it takes magnimity to forgive and forget. i honestly think its too much to expect from her. if she just lets one day pass without giving that kinda everybody-is-below-me face i would consider it a miracle already and a great contribution to everybody on this planet. anyway, to cut a long story short, she sucks.ok. sorry. ive digressed. anyway.
ok. chinese new year. haiz. no mood to talk about it alreadi. sighh. why did i let her spoil my mood?!?? shall never let that happen again.

everybody gambete for all the tests and take care.

finding my way through

time flies by so fast. it seems like just only that school started. but now we're already reaching the end of january. and we've learnt so many things that its scary. i think that before we know it we would have reached our graduation. its really frightening sometimes. we get so caught up in our homework and tests that we hardly notice the time slipping by. thats what makes it so frightening. its like a silent clock. ok it is a clock. i mean it as in more of a silent one that just ticks and ticks away without anyone realizing until its too late. when we pause in our preparation for os and start looking for autograph books and things like that. hopefully it wont be too late by then and everybody will still be able to get the momentos they want. okkk. shall stop crapping. jiayous for the coming tests everybody!

in the darkness

Faith and Doubt

you promised you would be there
to catch me if i fall
to pull me to my feet
to walk with me this path

you promised you would be there
to answer when i knocked
to cheer me when i'm down
laugh with me when there's joy

to share my darkest secrets
to relieve me of my burden
to give and give and never receive
can anyone be so selfless?

but you said, you promised
your words left in a book
i look to you for strength
i look to you for guidance

but sometimes, just sometimes
i look but you're not there
i shout but no one answers
i pray but nothing changes

i'm falling and i'm scared
will you be waiting below
or will reality hit me
a cruel, vicious blow

those who have faith
will someday see
but it is hard to believe what you do not see
and whose presence you cannot confirm

humans falter
look for reassurance
are you really there
can you hear us calling

i look for you in myself
in others
in all imaginable places
but still i do not know

are you really there
all-seeing and all-knowing
will you really catch me
are you there at all

i know it is wrong to doubt in you
since i have chosen to follow you
but sometimes, just sometimes
i don't know if you hear

i put in you my faith
my pain and my joy
all given up to you
my very being

through my trials and tribulations
i know you will be there
walking beside me ,carrying me through
your footprints in the sand.

cant think. dont want to think.

chem and phy test tmr!! so scary. im not even near finishing studying!!!!!!! haizz. when can you ever call yourself well-prepared. and the stress is like giving me a brain block. the o levels n the tests n everything keeps weighing on my mind. even when i study theres like this big black thing at the back of my mind that says OLEVELS all over it. and worse. it says things like DOWELL. olevels are actually not scary if u dont care how you do. then theres lesser stress from yourself to do well so you can probably actually focus better. but how do you not want to do well. everyone wants to do well. sigh. stress. need to focus. FOCUS. ahha. i tink im going to have a mental breakdown before this year is over.

had clit test today. feel so carefree now that its over. but den its like the first of many many tests. its the first test of the year tho. felt quite weird during the test. haha. partial brain block. i gez its the effect of leaving your brain to hibernate during the holidays. so not used to having to rmbr things and stuff. lolx. but then. i suppose no one can ever feel totally carefree until after this year. even though we're like temporarily free now, cant help thinking of the gigantic amount of hw waiting for me at home. and the enormous number of tests waiting for us nxt week. and the wk after. n the next wk. haizz. and thats what we're going to be doing for the rest of the year. looking forward and seeing nxt week's tests. looking even more forward and seeing the next next week's tests. interesting life manns. after one test we prepare for the next one. after that one we study for the next one. and so on. and so on. for one whole year??! im so not looking forward to this year.

ok. shall stop sounding so pessimistic. anyway im sure this yr will definitely be veri memorable. but good memories or nightmares? lolx. oops sorry. anyway.

looking forward to cny!! hahahaha. not just the hongbaos. the break!! lolx. so deprived of slacking i'll be so so so happy to just be able to slack for one whole day. haha. and its onli the second week of sch!! arghh. researching for e hongloumeng proj now. everythings in chinese!! i take like damn long to read chinese. lolx. im going to be stuck here forever. lolx. just kidding. im actually just saving everything first. hahahahaha. can read later. but my printers spoilt so prob hafta trouble someone to print for me...hehh. dunno wads wrong wif my stupidd printer anyway. keep saying that theres an error. haizz.

okok. update later.

flying through

today had cca fair. really really tired by the time the whole ting was over. woke up ard 615 rushed dere without eating anything. in e middle of e cca fair i was alreadi starving n by e end i was like dying..haha...anyway gwee gave us a break first before we had to start packing up... just as we were finishing packing dey called us into e classrm to haf evaluation...haha...but evaluation wasnt veri long dis time...haha.. den after dat had coh..tiring..im aching all over. saw many people today..charmaine..fangyu..most of e seniors...charmaine has grown so much taller mann! hahaha...shes nearly my height alreadi... but still veri much e same person..lolx....not that its bad..haha...

todays cca fair is e last we'll ever be participating in. made me realize how much time flies. still rmbr clearly all e tings we did in guides in e last 3 years. e camps, campfires, orientation, enrolment, gateways, etc. no more making last min presents. no more tying knots till our hands are all blistered. well not that i'll miss that but i suppose its become part of life for me. and you'll definitely miss [in a diff sense] anything that has become part of your life for such a long time. as in you'll feel weird not having to go for dese kinda things even if u dont really enjoy it.

we have so much homework and tests i cant even rmbr anymore which test is in which week. its so overwhelming. hahaha. so i shall just look forward one week. hmm. nxt wk onli got clit test? i tink so. n ss hw due on thurs. hong lou meng due on fri. okk. dose are like more impt assignments? dunno how come i rmbr so clearly. lolx. ss not so impt but prob coz its tsw so no choice..haha.. n hong lou meng hafta read..haiz... i havent even read e li shi da xian chang bk.. keep buying den forever nv read one...haiz... collect dust in my house onli..lolx..

anyway..not looking forward to wk 4 at all!! so many many tests. suppose will hafta get used to it. but not really used to taking like so many tests in so few days. esp when its like not even alt days? everyday. haiz. jiayous everybody!

beginning

todays the first day of official lessons! had maths first period can. first period of e year and we had maths!! argh. but it wasnt too bad. went to e com lab to try out e heymath thing. hahaha...definitely more fun den having normal maths lessons. hahaha. after dat had el with doris tan. shes not a bad el teacher... but she like kinda veri particular about our pronounciation. had pe after that!! but we onli took height and weight. i put on weight!! so sad. haha. haiz. but its not really surprising lahs. considering how much we ate in china. it'll be amazing if i didnt put on weight..haha. after recess had hist. abt e same as last yr i gez. n den..hcl! quite boring. coz our grp is actually supposed to present but we didnt noe so cant really start e ke wen... haha..so zhang spent e whole time talking abt the yu hua shi. how interesting can that get. hahahaha.

but overall today was quite fun. nice being back in sch i gez. but yeah. os like so near now n so scary. haiz. well anyway. its inevitable. anyway. i wanted to collect my ic today but dat woman is always not dere!! i went twice today can. so waste my time n energy climbing all dose stairs. n sorry to everyone who went wif me too! lolx. dat woman ar. deprive me of my ic. haiz. i sound like some lunatic. lolx.

coming back to sch in sec 4 is quite a horrible experience. besides e first two days of crapping ard we got lotsa stuff man. tests n all. we alreadi haf 3 tests lined up for nxt wk n another 3 for wk 4. n prob lots in btwn! so shitty mans. n xt fri we still hafta hand up our hong lou meng yan jiang gao. n im onli on wad, pg 10? haha. ok i admit its my own fault for not reading it earlier. but i really didnt haf e time! ok. ahhaha. sorry. shld not comfort myself. hahaha. let my guilt swallow me up n make me work harder. lolx. if it makes me work harder...

n joanne dear..dont think too much! sometimes ur imaginations too wild :)

look forward

heyyy! im back from chiinna! had lotsa lotsa fun! hahaha. but didnt get to haf a white christmas :( hahaha. but anyways. went back to sch for spring cleaning today. our sch is such a weird colour now. hahah. metallic red and pale yellow? yucks. and the classrooms are weird too! our new class back wall is totally bright orangeyellow. dey even painted the whole noticeboard that colour! well. i gez we dont hafta buy paper to cover it den. lolx. but dey or rather zhang wants us to wrap up our desks!!! haiz. i enjoy vandalising my table so much. ahaaa. and outside each class theres now this "toilet sign" that says what class is there? lolx. i suppose its so u dont hafta walk all the way down to see which class is there but we cldnt even recognise our class sign coz e words were too squashed together n we cldnt read it from a dist? nearly went past our class..hahah...our class name is too long..lolx. but long is nice! hhahaha.

anyway today after we went to our separate classes we didnt really do much spring cleaning. we went ard to see where the other classes n den we went back to talk. hahahha. some spring cleaning huh. more like catching up session. hahaaha. anyway den after e whole ting joanne n i went macs for brkfast! and den we went plaza sing to shop!! hahahah. havent shopped for so long! we saw lots n lots of nice stuff but no money. haiz. dats e prob with going shopping. u see nice stuff n u want the nice stuff n u spend money to get e nice stuff n den u go broke. its a vicious cycle mann! haha..

move

went shopping again with gillian today! we went on thurs to celebrate the end of our job shadowing at macs but the shop we wanted to see wasnt open! so irritating. haha...so we went again today and we were lucky! haha...mus be from all the fu we ji ytd from donating money..haha.. hao ren you hao bao ma..haha... we were hoping dat it worked..haha...coz ytd really damn suay can. like dose kinda day when u will miss e bus n den get caught in e rain. hahaha...but today wasnt so bad luckily..haha.

and we managed to buy all our stuff! haha..gillian bought her converse bag and i managed to buy my wallet! haha...wasnt really in the mood to shop but still had fun anyway..haha.

tmrs confirmation day! whee. so looking forward to it..haha...n den im flying off at midnight! i'llbe back onli after christmas so im sending u all ur christmas cards super early! haha..everybody take care and enjoy your hols yeah!!

the holy spirit

heyy! im back from camp! confirmation camp dat is. haiz. n i haf a really bad sore throat and everything. now i understand how jovena felt when she cldnt speak! ahahah. its really quite bad. even drinking water is painful. dont feel like talking at all. hahaha. was so feverish on the last day of camp. quite scary.

havent been online in like one million years. ahh. been so busy. hahah. anyway. confirmation camp was so fun! hahahhaahah. sometimes. most of the time. my grp was really funny. towards the end lah. when we like more shou alreadi. haha. esp cleaning the toilets. lolx. camp was quite scary too. like the healing and everything. everyone was like crying. even the guys. talk about freaking out man...haha. dunno lahs. everything during the camp was like quite surreal. except the horrible food. the pepper rice? err. affirmation was nice tho. who doesnt like being affirmed? hehs. hmm. i tink e camp really touched all our hearts in a way. in a special way. like u noe. different for everybody. but special, yeah. definitely memorable too. haha. i miss my grp alreadi. haiz. interesting grp.

working at macs has been super too! hahaha. i tink im even beginning to understand y gillian was so happy and smiley ytd when i was dragging myself ard...i mean like who can contd to be so cheerful when deir facing someone totally grumpy like me? hmmm... ;) gillian ars...ahhaha. her heart must have been smiling ;) k lahs. shall stop teasing her. well. i wonder when deir gonna pay us. we shld haf earned more den hundred bucks alreadi? i hope. haizz.

hafta get my confirmation clothes soon! i bought like 3 white tops? everytime i go looking i always end up buying tops. 3 white tops! haha. but i really like all of dem. even if i dont wear dem for confirmation..im sure i will wear dem again...sooner or later..haha..but my moms getting quite pissed alreadi..she says im too fickle and i should just buy whatever is white and fits me. haiz. shes getting fed up with walking ard e whole day n ending up wif another top. hahhaha. well. its fun! so many tops. hahaha.

well. macs is really cool..! the machines and everything..woo. impressive. n e pple are quite nice too...n super amusing..

over

chinese os are finally over. haiz. kinda sucked tho. wish i cld do it all over again. definitely wld haf not chosen dat bloody compo topic. haiz. but its over!

and now i suddenly feel so free. like nothing much to do. tho haf been kinda busy so not much time to realize my free-ness yet. haha. i mean. u noe. free in e way dat u dont have that nagging ting at the back of your mind dat reminds u of e long list of stuff waiting to be done. yupp. feel kinda liberated. haha. but dont noe if i enjoy it coz now im feeling kinda weird. u noe. like no particular direction so im jus like floating ard in the wide, wide sea. yess.

looking forward to our class outing! haha. its my nearest buoy before i completely lose track of things. haha. hopefully can stay over at joannes house e night before. so fun. hmm.

watching fiery thunderbolt now. so cute. haha. e shows so funnie. e guys face is like so constipated. haha. n dat lesbian lawyer. hahahha.

i got my ic letter :) so stop reminding me abt it too!! haha. not looking forward to making it tho. wad if my pic comes out disgusting??!?! tink i'll wanna go make another one :) but not so easy lahs. haha. wishful thinkg.

*keep me here

confirmation

in the library searching for confirmation names!!! woo. so fun. but cannot find anything nice :( anybody got any ideas??!! hahaha. need to hand up by dis sun. haha. found alot of really weird names but nothing really striking. i found cyril tho. how does it sound? hahaha. either dat or i want a really long one. haha. something like alexandrea. haha. or maybe i should save dat for my child. lolx. if i eva haf a child dat is. and if its a girl. haha. if i had twins and its one girl one boy i'll call dem alexandrea and alexander. haha. den e girl can be lexie and e boy alexie. cool. haha. im crazy!! dont tink i'll even eva haf children. hahahaha.
hmm. i found valentine! so funny. wont dat be a nice confirmation name. lolx. so no comments. think of names!! gtg. joanne chasing mee!

minee!

switched to blogger!! haha. dland templates so horrible :) hahaha. so shall not torture u all wif dose horrible templates :) tag mee!

new!

i changed my blog!! hahaha...relink me kaes?? exams over liaos...hahaha....enjoy everybody!